Article By Kevin L. DeWitt

 

The only real security in a relationship lies neither in looking back in nostalgia, nor forward in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

 

From the time we are young, we are taught to plan out our lives, both for the long term and on a day-to-day basis.

 

We have daily, weekly, monthly planners and digital calendars that map out our lives, sometimes to the minute.  With plans like these, we feel we’re in control …

 

But we’re not.

 

We cannot control our lives to this degree, no matter how we try. Things always come up to change the best plans.  And the more detailed our plans, the more of a guarantee that something different – unplanned – will occur.

 

So what happens when the plans go awry?  We are stressed out, because things get out of our control and don’t live up to our expectations.  This is one of the greatest sources of stress for most people.

 

Think about how often your days actually go according to plan – they are pretty rare.  We have no way of predicting the future. No matter how hard we try. There’s always an email that will disrupt things, a last-minute meeting, cancellations and postponements, emergencies and fires to put out.

 

So if plans will almost always go wrong, and when they do we get stressed out, isn’t all the time we spend creating the plans a bit of a waste?

 

Instead … give yourself up to the moment.

 

This is something worth considering.  Here’s how to do it - starting with some ideas about things not to do:

 

Don’t plan.  Planning is an attempt to control the world around us – and it is fraught with stress.  Instead, toss out your plans, for now at least until you’ve decided this method isn’t for you.  What do you do instead? (More on this below.)

 

Try not to worry about the future.  Will something bad happen?  Are there things coming up that we must anticipate and prepare for?  Of course, if there’s a massive hurricane headed your way, you should probably get ready.  Otherwise, realize that the future is unpredictable, and worrying about it is a waste of time. Trust that God wants – and has in store - the best for you.

 

Don’t have expectations.  If you expect people to act a certain way, or hope that things will turn out a certain way, you’ll always run into problems. Don’t think about outcomes for now.  Go into things without expectations, and they will usually turn out pretty well – and much more enjoyable.

 

Try not to get annoyed when others act a certain way.  We seem to always expect people to act any way other than how they actually act.  They are exactly the way they are - even if that’s selfish, discontent, or impatient.  Those are their problems. Your challenge is figuring out how you should act … not how others should act.

 

Don’t overreact.  This is a major challenge when people plan and things don’t go according to plan … we overreact, we get upset and emotional, we blow things out of proportion.  Try to stay calm, because if things go “wrong” … actually they just happened.

 

Don’t try to be proactive.  This is a common prescription business management literature.  While on the surface the basic premise is ok (preventing problems from recurring rather than just fixing them after they happen), one of the headaches this creates is always worrying about what might happen … and creating solutions before there are problems.

 

Instead, try taking some or all of these positive actions:

 

Be open.  What would it be like to go into each day without a plan, but just to see what happens? Probably scary.  Especially without the “security” of feeling in control.  Probably a little chaotic, feeling like you are at the whim of others.  In truth, this is what it’s like to go into each day a plan … it’s only that we normally fool ourselves about the amount of control we have.  So start the day with no plan, and be open to what emerges in each moment.

 

What you love to do.  So what should you do, now that you have no plan?  Do what you love to do.  Hopefully you’re being paid to do it as well.  Create something. Pour yourself into a project.  Along the way, something even better might be revealed.

 

Act in the moment.  Giving yourself to the moment doesn’t mean being passive and just letting life happen.  It means acting, but doing what is best at this particular moment, what you are excited about right now, what needs to be done, in the present.  Now.

 

Respond appropriately.  Life happens.  We respond.  This doesn’t mean overreacting, however.  We can respond calmly and appropriately.  We can take the action that’s required, fix the problem, do what’s necessary to prevent it from happening again, and move on without it ruining our day.

 

Accept.  Accept what happens.  It might not be what you considered ideal, but it’s what life has given you, what has resulted from your actions in combination with an unpredictable world. Accept it, respond, act, move on.  Don’t wring your hands over things not going your way, but accept that’s what has happened.

 

Perhaps many people will believe this is a passive way of living and responding, but I don’t believe that it is.  It’ attempting to live life without being caught up in the future (or the past) so much … and not allowing other persons dictate or control to life we wish to live.

 

It’s something to think about…

 

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land.  There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
-Henry David Thoreau

 

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