Article by Kevin L. DeWitt

 

Business tycoons, celebrities, “self-made” success stories, glitz, glam … we often think that our success depends on focusing on ourselves.

 

This simply isn’t true.

 

Every truly successful person knows that you become successful because of how much value you give to others.  We too often forget this.

 

It works the same way with our happiness, too.  When I’m overly focused on my goals and my feelings and my desires, I begin to feel frustrated, going nowhere, empty.  When I’m focused on myself, it’s easy to think that everything is about me.  But it’s not.  When I’m so focused on myself, I become easily offended by others, and I take personally all the things in the world that don’t go the way I think they should … as if the world knows who I am … when they’re really just doing those things because of themselves.

 

See how easy it is to become lonely, depressed, angry, empty … when you feel self-important?

 

Focus on others.

It helps to turn your attention to others.  Place your focus on giving, rather than receiving.  You would think that by giving all the time, you never receive.  But the exact opposite is true … it’s  because you give so much that you attract the desire for others to give back to you:

 

The best way to be interesting is to be interested in others.

The way to be loved is to be lovable.

The best way to be forgiven is to forgive.

By seeking to understand others, they are more likely try to understand you in return.

By helping others, they are more inclined to help you in return.

 

It’s interesting how we intuitively know these things, but too often our ego gets in the way.  Our self-importance makes us think that we need to receive to justify giving.  This is the same part of you that seeks to be right instead of happy.  It’s not worth it … is it?

 

It’s a much more empowering position to be the one that gives first.  Who knows how long it will take the other person to initiate giving, if at all.  And … they may want to give, their heart is open, but they may be timid, or fearful, or shy, or any number of things that cause them to not initiate giving.  To wait for others to give is like waiting for someone to read your mind and give you what you want without asking.  Why not just ask and find out what happens?

 

Giving yourself.

Someone once said … “When you can give without expecting anything in return, you have mastered the art of living.”  Is it any wonder that the most successful people in the world are masters of giving?  

 

So how can you give more of yourself away?  I believe you’ll find that you’re most fulfilled not when you’ve done something really cool, or when you’re doing something that excites you (not that those things aren’t important). You are most fulfilled when you’re serving others.  Here are a few suggestions for small, but powerful ways you can give to those around you:

 

1) Drop expectations that you have for your partner and your family.  Instead of expecting them to behave a certain way to you, focus on how you can show how much they really mean to you.

 

2) Give away your attitude.  Your attitude and positive energy has an amazing effect on those around you.  When a candle is lit, darkness gives way to light.  In much the same way, low energy, when approached by higher energy, dissolves.  Bring your higher, positive energy to those around you.

 

3) Bless.  Don’t judge.  When you encounter someone, say a silent blessing or send them a positive intention, instead of judging them.

 

4) Show gratitude.  Write a simple note expressing to someone how much they mean to you and the reasons you are grateful for them. The impact this will have on the receiver is amazing.

 

5) Offer help.  If there’s nothing specific you can do for another person, simply let them know that if there is ever a way you can help, you would like them to let you know.

 

“Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but it is giving me that which you need more than I do.”
-Kahlil Gibran

 

“Sometimes we hold on to our possessions because we fear we might run out - life seems scarce.  But when we believe that giving is the way to live, we will produce more in the future - life seems abundant.”
-John C. Maxwell

 

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