Article by Kevin L. DeWitt

The other night I was sitting down with a long-time friend brother watching an NFL preseason football game, and we started talking about the “good ol’ days” and all of our plans for the future. After a while, we paused and then started laughing because it seemed as though I was trapped in the past and he was really concerned about the future.

 

It seems that, for most of the conversation, I had been talking about how things used to be.  On the other hand, he spent most of the time wondering about how hard things are going to be.  We both realized that holding on to the past and worrying about the future was keeping us from being happy today.

 

So with this in mind, I have decided it was time for me to start letting go of my past and not fear my future.  It’s a work in progress for sure … and it includes balancing letting go and honoring the past.

 

Yet I believe it is one of the most important things you will ever attempt to do – living in the present is the only way to be happy.

 

Letting Go

For some people, the past seems to follow you wherever you go.  It can keep you from achieving goals in life.  A lot of people never break free to find their present and future moments are something to be enjoyed.  Here are a few suggestions to help put some distance from the past …

 

1. Understand the past cannot be changed
The most sobering thing about the past is that it can’t be changed. It has already happened, and since there is no way to travel back in time, there is no way to change the past.  Learn to accept it.  

 

I read about a man who was driving to work and had a terrible traffic accident that resulted in a mother and child being killed.  He wasn’t drinking, just in a hurry to get to work on time. Afterwards, the man became an alcoholic and his life started spiraling out of control as his guilt was so painful. It took him nearly 30 years, but one day he realized that what was done was done and there was no way to change it.  By destroying his life as well he was effectively ruining three lives.  By living in your past moments you are preventing yourself from actually fixing what you did wrong.

 

If you live in the past and are having trouble letting go you need to realize that it can’t be changed. You can never go back to those times and you will never erase what happened.

 

2. Control your “mind stories”
Sometimes when I think about high school, my days in the youth group at church, or going off to college for the first time … I get a swell of emotion and then start to create “mind stories.” These stories basically consist of my going over all my good memories and then becoming down when I realize that times have changed.  Be careful with this.

 

We all make “mind stories” to some extent.  A friend is the opposite of me and spends all day going over all the negative events that occurred in his past.  The mental chatter is poisonous.  As soon as you start, it is almost impossible to stop.  One thought leads to another and before long you realize that you have a whole day of your life in the past.

 

Try to meditate as soon as you see these nostalgic thoughts arise. Mediation consists of arming yourself with the shield of mindfulness and letting the thoughts dissolve into nothing.  This solution is particularly powerful for people who are like me and love to sit around thinking about all the past good times.

 

3. Think about impermanence
The flip side of realizing that the past cannot be changed is realizing that we don’t have a lot of time on this Earth.  Imagine if you were told you only had two weeks left to life.  Would you regret spending so much time thinking about the past rather than living in – and relishing – the present?  I know I would.

 

So … the next time you start worrying about the past … remember impermanence.   Remind yourself that you don’t have time for that and turn your attention back to the here and now.  Over time you will train your mind to ignore those thoughts and as the days and weeks go by the attachment to the past will fade away.

 

4. Meditate on compassion
Generally, thinking about times gone by doesn’t help yourself and it doesn’t help other people.  If you are stuck in the past you need to realize that those thoughts and habits are helping no one … not yourself, not your family and loved ones, and not others in this world that could benefit from your love and time and attention.  It’s an extremely uncompassionate way to live your life and it will get you nowhere.

 

5. Understand we can’t control everything
I’m a control freak.  But I’m trying to improve and consider myself a work in progress.  I once heard a friend say that people who dwell on the past are just trying to control everything.  I think he was right.  Sometimes I feel like my sense of independence means that I blame myself too heavily when things go wrong. And that means I am often dwelling on my mistakes.

 

If you spend a lot of time chastising yourself for things you have done in the past … then try to go easy on yourself and to stop trying to be so controlling.  We cannot control everything.  We cannot control everyone.  And although we are the ones in charge of our futures, there are times when you will be utterly unable to change a set of circumstances.  So let it go.

 

Letting go of the past – while honoring the past - is like lifting a weight off your shoulders.  It allows you to move on and make a new life.

 

Not fearing your future

I have always found it interesting how some people are caught in the past while others are terrified of the future. I don’t know why, but it always seems as though we are trapped in one extreme or the other … and being balanced in the middle is the more difficult.

 

When we fear the future, we’re unable to truly live in the present moment.  We lessen our chances for happiness when we spend all our time worrying about what is going to happen instead of enjoying the life we actually have.  I’ve seen it first hand and lived it.   Here are some suggestions that might help you move away from worrying too much about the future …

 

1. Understand that the future is uncertain
If you worry that something bad is going to happen in the future, realize that this is uncertain.  Except for God, no one knows what is going to happen even a few hours from now, let alone further down the road.

 

2. The future can be created
Your future is in your hands.  Nobody is going to make anything happen for you unless you go out and try to achieve it yourself.  Now instead of being depressed by this fact … it’s important to realize that this is an extremely hopeful place.  We’re living in a time and a place where opportunities are everywhere.  And while living in the present moment is important, we still need to make preparations for tomorrow. So … why fear the future when we have control over it?

 

3. Realize that things change slowly
Things change slowly.  It doesn’t all happen at once.  You don’t wake up one day and all your friends are gone, for example.  You don’t wake up one day and discover that from one day to the next a highway has replaced your favorite park.  I could go on, but the idea is the same … things do change slowly.  When we understand this, we give ourselves more room to move – and suddenly the future doesn’t seem quite as scary.

 

4. The future is the same as the monster under your bed
Worrying about your future is the same as worrying about the monster that was under your bed when you were four.  The future hasn’t come about yet.  It’s not a solid thing that will hurt you.  Like the monster, it’s a concept created by your own mind … and as such you have power over it.

 

5. Remember you are not alone
Community is a very important thing.  God created human beings as social creatures, and we need the love, affection and support of others than comes with a sense of community.  We find it in family, friends, in church …  This is important to remember when you are thinking about the future. Remind yourself that, if you allow it, you will always have people who love you, care for you, and support you.

 

Letting go of the past and not fearing the future can be so very difficult.  Yet it’s important to try … and to do.  If we can learn to live in the present moment, our lives will be much more spontaneous and joyful.

 

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal.  Live this day as if it were your last.  The past is over and gone.  The future is not guaranteed.”

– Wayne Dyer.

 

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