Article By Kevin L. DeWitt

 

Have you ever been asked by someone to something that you really did not have time for?  You said “Yes” when you really wanted to say “No.”  I have.

 

How did you feel afterwards?  Be honest.  Were you a little resentful?  Did it just add to your busy schedule, making you all the more squeezed for time?

 

We all reduce our productivity and efficiency - and ultimately our very happiness – by wavering between two words: “Yes” or “No.”  Many times, we say “Yes” when we mean “No” or say “No” when we should say “Yes.”  Both words a very powerful and have direct impact on our well-being.  Each word needs to be used wisely, judiciously, and with grace, with our own peace and self-respect in mind.

 

Saying “Yes” when you mean “No” only leads to feelings of anger, resentment, worry and frustration … while saying what you really mean (gracefully) leads to greater respect, increased productivity, and healthier relationships

 

The Pushme-Pullyu Syndrome

When people get stuck in waging the battle between the two heads of “Yes” and “No,” I think of the “Pushme-Pullyu” two-headed animal from “The Story of Dr. Dolittle” by Hugh Lofting.  The Pushme-Pullyu animal was always heading in the opposite direction at the same time, because he had one head on one end of his body and another head on the opposite end of his body.

 

Are you a Pushme-Pullyu?  When you say “Yes” or you say “No” do you really mean it?  It’s crucial to avoid being a Pushme-Pullyu, because a state of unnecessary indecision drains away your personal power rather than strengthening it.  There is a tendency in Pushme-Pullyu people that when they do make a decision they are then riddled with self-doubt afterwards.  To make a decision quickly and not waver or second guess oneself is a crucial life-skill.  It is especially important in today’s world around, where fast-paced decisions are asked of us minute-by-minute.

 

Setting You Free to Live a Richer Life

A person who is not a Pushme-Pullyu, can take full advantage when “opportunity knocks” because they make a self-assured decision quickly without vacillating.  They don’t waste their energy with worry and they also don’t avoid making a decision by not saying either a “Yes” or “No.”

 

When we say “Yes” or “No” and come from clarity and discernment this enables us  to rid ourselves of needless guilt and feelings of conflict, so we can live a richer, more fulfilling life, it sets us free.

The power behind “Yes” and “No” is when we state them truthfully.  Not only are our relationships to ourselves improved, so are our relationships with others.  This is living simply and truthfully … and making our relationships with those around us more real, and always coming from a place of respect and love.

The Secret of Turning a “No” into a “Yes”

This is the exact moment when you are probably saying “No Kevin, that can’t be!  If I say “No” people are mad at me; they won’t like me.  How could what you are saying make my relationships better; it would make them worse!”

 

When you take care of yourself, your relationships work.  If you don’t honor what’s in your own well-being, and instead come from a place of trying to people-please in order to gain approval from someone else, or to try to make them like or love you more … by giving them the “Yes” they want by saying yes when you need to say no, it always backfires.

 

Probably more than anything else, saying “Yes” when I wanted to say “No” has been a cause of pain and sorrow in my life … all for wanting those around me to like me more … and it is something I am conscious of all the time.

 

Think back on a time when you did this, you know now that it backfired.  Not only did your relationship to yourself suffer, ultimately your relationship to the other person probably did as well … all because in some way you probably withheld a “No” to them.  Often we think of saying “No” to another person as taking away from them, but in actuality when you take care of yourself your relationships work, and your “No” becomes a “Yes” … a “Yes” to you.  And this action ultimately gives back to the other person also.

 

Saying No with Grace

We should understand that “No” can be said with grace.  When you do, you gain respect from another person and you are still viewed as generous and kind.  They understand you are exhibiting self-care.

 

When you don’t take care of yourself and honor your own needs and boundaries your relationships with yourself and others suffer.  It just doesn’t work in life to come from a place of people-pleasing. And that is typically the prime motivation for a Pushme-Pullyu person to say “Yes” when they need to say “No”.

Making a Choice

We all have a choice.  “Choice” is a privilege and to harness choice empowers us.  We have the freedom to choose and the freedom to change our mind.  In terms of productivity, how we deal with this choice dictates whether or not we waste our time and the time of another people.

 

Remember, time is our most precious commodity.  We cannot get it back once lost or wasted.  So we should each choose to use our power to say “Yes” or “No” when you mean it.

 

“Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is only time we have.”
-Art Buchwald

 

“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever …”
-Isak Dinesen

 

If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us, StumbleUpon or Digg. Thanks!