Article by Make The Days Contributor Derrick Torrens and Kevin L. DeWitt

“I find that if I behave more unconditionally, then what I do is for me and from my heart.  Even though it may not be returned, it changes me.”

It can be life enriching, overtly necessary, vibrantly hopeful, and everlastingly fulfilling.  It can also be complicated, blinding, or misplaced.  We all have experience with it in one of its many forms.  It is love. 

Often times it’s a misnomer used in the place of words that are more accurately for the situation.  Plain old “like” might do the trick.  Or if something a tad stronger is necessary, then infatuation or even obsession (but I wonder if obsession is ever a positive thing).  Could it be the material love for some object or thing, maybe money?  Or is it platonic love?  “She is just my friend.”  For me, it seems the worst is unrequited love.  Does she even know you exist?

I think we all have an understanding of what we believe the meaning of love is or isn’t, but how do we make it good?  How do we cultivate love?  How do we allow love to consume us in a way that truly is positive, uplifting and life changing?

If you multiplied every time I said I loved something by the money in my wallet I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.  I’d have a lime green beverage in one hand and sunscreen lotion in the other.  That’s saying a lot considering all I have is twenty dollars.

We lust for what is just beyond our grasp, but pay no attention to what is right in front of us.  If I truly loved someone, wouldn’t I want to know everything about that person?  But I don’t know everything about my kids, my girlfriend, and my family.  To tell the truth I don’t treat anything I love like that.

How about the love of knowledge or something you find especially interesting?  Have you taken the time to delve into it, discover as much as you could, or get involved?   Most of us spend an exorbitant amount of time pining for what we don’t have, but have never taken the time to make what we “love.”

Exercise if you love it, read Dickens if you love it, learn to paint (and then make time to paint) is you love it, kiss your wife if you love her. 

Here’s a prime example of “do as I say, not as I do”: I enjoy math; I adore my three kids; I had a passion for their mom; I find joy in getting up in the morning.  Of those things my kids are the only one’s I consistently put any effort into and I often question if it is enough.

When it comes to truly taking what I love and turning it into something to please and excite me, there has been more failure than success.  I should take my love for math and go tutor somewhere.  I should get up in the morning and use that opportunity to start exercising.  I should spend as much time now as I can with my kids because soon they will pull a hamstring trying to get away from me.  Many of the most successful people in the world took what they were enthusiastic about and turned it into something great.  Musicians, artists, businesspeople all started with a passion for something.

And by the way … success doesn’t mean we have to match the success of others.  Bill Gates probably loves computers, but so do many other people around the world.  Great things are still possible even though their results may be more humble than Mr. Gates’.

There is one truism that has become evident to me through much trial and error.  You don’t always get what you give.  But we can’t and shouldn’t operate always expecting something in return.  I find that if I behave more unconditionally, then what I do is for me and from my heart.  Even though it may not be returned, it changes me.  No, it doesn’t change me into a sap or a Hallmark card.  I think it fills me with hope. 

I hope someday my kids will grow up and know how much I love them; hopefully they know it now.  I hope that you all will find something positive out there for which to express your love and it will get you through when you feel lousy and would “love” to yell at somebody.  A hobby may make you rich, but if not … that’s ok … then still allow it to fulfill you.  The same with your family, friends, church and God.  It’s okay to love. 

Now as to avoid hypocrisy I have begun my own journey – albeit slowly it seems - into the appreciation of and activity in the aspects of my life that I enjoy and my suggestion is that you do the same.  Tell me how it’s going if you can.  What have you learned so far on your quests? 

Next time you say you love something … think about it and judge if you really do.  If you do, then treat it that way.  “Man, I love mom’s meatloaf.”  Well have another piece then.

“The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.”
-Allan K. Chalmers

“Whatever we focus on is bound to expand. Where we see the negative, we call forth more negative. And where we see the positive, we call forth more positive. Having loved and lost, I now love more passionately. Having won and lost, I now win more soberly. Having tasted the bitter, I now savor the sweet.”
-Marianne Williamson

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