Article by Make The Days Count Contributor Blake Cothron

 

Many of you probably remember growing up in a much different time. 

 

A time when close family ties were cherished and not an option, when grandparents lived with their grandchildren, and when people actually knew their neighbors.  A time when you could ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar, let you children roam free through the neighborhood, and sit down every night as a family for dinner. 

 

Obviously times have changed … but our need for community hasn’t.        

 

When you hear the word “community” what comes to mind?  Is it your neighborhood, school, or church community?  Do you think about ecosystem communities, the interconnected plant and animal systems? 

 

The word community has strong ties to the words common, commune, communication, and unity.  Community is common unity. 

 

There are profound shifts occurring in America right now.  The economy is tumbling, the food system is threatened and under great scrutiny, the public school system is degrading, the environment is threatened, the list goes on and on.  It seems like we need community, “common unity” now more than ever. 

 

Unity is built on trust and common purpose. 

 

We are all humans, and are all incredibly similar.  We all have essential needs, dreams, fears, hopes, desires … how can we find common ground and hope to work together?  If we can start seeing other people as fully human beings, essentially exactly the same as us, we can develop compassion and understanding.  We can see that when we help someone else, we’re helping ourselves as well.  This is not selfish; it is simply the reality of service and helping others. 

 

If we look at other cultures around the world, we see that many have much more community and stronger bonds than we do.  In less industrialized countries people have extended families of dozens or even hundreds of closely tied, related people.  They often live very close together, maybe grandparents and grandchildren in one home.  They eat together, play together, keep family stories perpetuated, teach their children, and support each other through anything.  Just reminiscing … does your make your heart quiver just a bit?  I know mine does, and that’s why I’ve dedicated the last three years of my life to understanding community and trying to build those ties.

 

We can start building more community everyday in simple ways.  It’s as easy (or as difficult) as simply talking to your neighbors.  Who are your neighbors?  I bet they’re a lot like you.  They’re trying to make it in the world, going through things, growing, loving, crying, raising kids, discovering joy, growing older.  Reaching out to them and saying “hi, how was your day,” and then really listening and responding, not ending with “good, thanks.”  If you see them working on something laborious and you’re not busy, offer to help.  If they’re elderly and alone, gently stop by one afternoon and introduce yourself.  They may or may not respond much, but I bet if you stop by again with a casserole or a young child they might open up. 

 

There is an elderly couple living across from my parent’s house.  The husband, Percy, is a gardener and would stop by our house once or twice a summer with a big grocery bag full of his homegrown, ruby-red tomatoes.  He wouldn’t say much, or do anything else, just walk home.  Perhaps it was his intrinsic value of community he’d been raised with that led him to do that for us. 

 

Later in life I began going over to their home, starting on the common thread that Percy and I were both gardeners.  We got to talking and shared all sorts of fun conversation about vegetables, foraging for wild fruits and nuts, family, and the government.  I’d stop by every few weeks or so and we’d talk for hours.  I learned so much about him … that he was a hero at Normandy Beach in World War II, got injured in combat and had slept in a foxhole in Belgium with two other men for three days in sub-zero weather.  And I learned he has a heart of gold.  I would have never known, just seeing this mellow old man trimming his hedge and bringing us tomatoes. 

 

Since then I’ve moved away, but whenever I’m at my parent’s house I stop by and talk for hours with them.  Percy and his wife told me recently, “Oh, we think about you all the time!”  Last time I stopped by Percy gave me a packet of his own heirloom tomato seeds.  I named them “Percy’s Old-Timey Oxheart Tomato”, and I’ve been giving them away to every gardener I’ve lived with since.

 

Some people come together around spirituality, and this is a great way to build community.  Churches foster a shared sense of destiny, purpose, and unity.  They are generally positive, uplifting environments fostering feelings of peace, joy, and belonging. 

 

Going to a spiritual gathering or church is a great way to get to know more people in your community, reach out to others, get and give support and assistance to those in need, and make friends.  Spiritual centers and churches have perhaps largely taken the role of creating community and more harmony in many towns and neighborhoods.  If you participate in a church of some sort, try talking and getting to know other people, instead of getting there late and rushing out when it’s over.   

 

People are re-discovering the bonds humans share around food.  Food brings people together.  Imagine a large group of Italians over an over- loaded table full of pasta, marinara, bread and wine.  Now that’s creating community!  When we share food, we feel safe, nourished, happy, and have a common purpose.  Someone once said that you can tell how close a community is by how many times a week they eat together, and I fully agree. 

 

Potlucks are making a comeback and are a really fun way to get together and build community.  Everyone brings some food to share at someone’s house, a big meal is served, and then there’s talking and laughing and maybe even some music jamming and a campfire in the back! 

 

A potluck could also transpire after a meeting on some community-building topic like a community garden project, a litter-cleanup day, a tree planting project, or something else fun and productive.  Community gardens are a great way to build community, become healthier, and become more sustainable.  Farmer’s markets are becoming a major community-building event.  Talking to your local farmers while buying the freshest produce and local crafts is a great way to support and enrich your community. 

 

There is a quiet revolution happening all over the world, founded on creating stronger, more meaningful and more sustainable communities.  It’s called Intentional Community or IC.  The IC movement is largely, if not completely, a grass-roots movement which exploded in the radical 60’s hippie days of “communal living.”  It was pioneered before that mainly by spiritual groups like the Amish, Quakers, and various eclectic groups in the early 1900s.  This has evolved over time into a full-blown organized movement that is gaining much steam and creating a massive body of information, networks, and people.  Cohousing and eco-villages are promising newer developments.  

 

I’ve spent the last three years living in IC’s and deeply exploring the extremely complex organic process of human community.  What I’ve discovered is a whole new paradigm of being, thinking, feeling, sharing, cooperation, and unity.  Real community takes much time, patience, pain, suffering, honesty, and cooperation.  The results, however, have been deeper and more precious than I had ever known human relationships to be.  It shows me clearly just how much we are all suffering from a lack of community in our lives.  It is the reason I’m sharing this article in the hopes that you might reach out and build more community in your world.  I’ve never been to or seen an IC that has iron gates around it, massive crime problems, pollution disasters, traffic, or even police, much less a need for them.  The reason is because the people in them had grown so close.              

 

So … Community starts with the family, the community you were born into.  Get to know your children.  Teach them your skills.  If possible, get the grandparents, aunts and uncles involved as much as you can in their lives.  Have family reunions.  Try to eat together as much as possible, once a week at least.  Question the children’s entertainment.  Is it wholesome, is it teaching them wholesome values you would teach?  With teenagers it can be difficult, but let them know you’re there for them.  Talk to them as much as possible.  They are looking for role models and direction as much as young children.  If they don’t get direction from you or a cherished person, they’ll get them from TV and movies.  Find things you all can both enjoy doing together, like sports, music, gardening, shopping, artwork, etc.  People that have close bonds with their family are generally much happier and able to give more to others.

 

The more community we have in our lives, the more we can all give.

 

Links:  www.ic.org intentional community database

Creating Community Together by Carolyn Shaffer

Food Not Lawns by Heather C. Flores   

 

“Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.”
-Anthony D’Angelo

 

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