Article by Make The Days Count Contributor Judy Mosley

 

Itʼs one of my favorite places.  Itʼs one of those body stores where everything smells delicious.  And because this one is more earth conscious, it is also pricier.  Though I love most of what they sell, I have to really think about what I purchase before I lay down any payment.  But in the past few months, I had spent enough to earn myself a free gift and I went to the store to claim my prize. However soon into my experience, I could tell that the sales associate wanted me to bring home more than just my free gift.

 

Many of us find ourselves in situations where it is difficult to say no.  Maybe you’ve been asked to start a ministry with your church.  The pressure to fit in with friends or co-workers is causing you to put your finances in a precarious position.  Maybe it’s another project at work or it could be a “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity that may not come again.  Or it could be giving that relationship one more try, even though things did not work out the last time.

 

The trouble is that many of us aren’t even sure if it’s okay to say no.

 

Growing up, we might have been taught that saying no is rude and can hurt the feelings of others.  Or we want other’s approval.  Because of these and many other factors, we struggle with taking care of ourselves, not really knowing how to have healthy personal boundaries.

 

What we may not realize is that every time we say “yes” to one thing, we say “no” to something else, intentionally or not.  

 

What we add to our lives affects us in every area.  The more time that you spend in one place, the more time will be taken away somewhere else.  This applies with your money, your emotions, and even your health.  Learning how to say no is an important tool that you must use if you are to live a life that’s full of meaning.

 

So, how did things end up at my favorite body place? I’ll walk through the steps that took me to my personal “no” and hopefully these can be guides for you as well.

 

1. Know What You Want

I knew I needed a body wash product.  I wanted something that would make me feel happy when I smelled it.  I didn’t want something that I would bring home, on the advice of the associate, and regret my purchase later.  I had already done that before, a couple of times.  So, when I walked in, I told the associate what I wanted and she guided me to the section that I needed.  I smelled and sniffed my way through the fruity fragrances until I found my happiness.  Then I headed toward the counter.

 

Know who you are and know what you want your life to look like.  You will always have people telling you how to live but the only way to really live is what is authentic to you.  Find out what that is and don’t settle for someone else’s version of you.

 

2. Ask Yourself If You Can Afford It

This one was simple.  I had no money to spend outside of my free gift and that was only good up $15.00.  So I picked up my body wash, knowing that there was still a little money left over and also knowing that I couldn’t afford anything else.

 

This goes for every area of your life, as well as your finances.  Can you afford to eat out, when there are bills that are due?  Can you afford to spend more time away from your family because someone else needs you at the office or at church?  Remember that whenever you say yes, you say no to something else.  Always think of your time, talents, emotions, abilities as currency. You can only spend what you have in so many places.

 

3. Understand that Not Every Opportunity is For You

Okay, so I really didn’t think about this in the store but this applies in many areas of my life.  Opportunities will present themselves as very good ideas and possibly a good fit for my life.  What I often forget is that not every opportunity is meant for me.

 

I knew a woman once who was the leader of a ministry in a church but she was struggling in finding time for it.  This was something that she was good at, but because she was spread so thin she wasn’t able to give to this ministry the way that she wanted to.  Yet she refused to give it up and let someone else take over because she had been asked to do it.

 

When we attempt to do everything ourselves, we rob others of the opportunity to use their own gifts and talents.  It doesn’t mean that our talent is any less but it means giving others the chance to enrich the world with what’s inside of them.

 

4. Remain Objective

When I rang up my purchase, the associate pointed out that I still had not spent my entire $15 and asked if I would like to look for anything else.  I said “No” and saw disappointment in her face.  At this point I could have felt bad, but even then I couldn’t afford to.  I didn’t have any money!

 

Many times we say yes to things not from actual facts but on how we think people will perceive us if we refuse.  Or, we might believe that by refusing it reflects something bad about us.  We must remain objective with the decisions that we make and stick to the true facts of the situation.  By doing this we will be saved a lot of unneeded drama and possible heartache.

 

5. Walk Away

I tried to figure out the last thing that I did at the end of this transaction.  Then it hit me.  I walked away.  I took my bag, put in the stroller and ushered my children out of the store.  Case closed. I was happy with my decision.

 

The final step that all of us need to take is to walk away.

 

Maybe not physically, but we can do this by sticking to our word.  People will not push an issue if they know that they can not budge you from the decision you’ve made.  If you leave room for compromise, they will certainly take it.  Speak the truth from your heart and be honest about where you are in life.  Then, stick to what you’ve said.  People will trust you more if they know they can trust what you say.

 

Itʼs funny what life can teach you.

 

There are a million times in your life where you will have to speak up and say “no.”  You will have to do it in relationships, in your jobs, as parents, and as people walking this planet.  Say no in ways that bring life, not restrict life.

 

And you will find your life positively changing in a myriad of ways.

 

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind, and those that mind, don’t matter.”
-Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel)

 

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