Article by Make The Days Count Contributor Judy Mosley

The scene opens to an enchanting snowy evening.  The location is an outdoor skating rink where a mother and daughter are skating together.  Hands clasped, the joy is radiating from their faces as the voice-over for the commercial begins speaking … “What if you could give your family just what they want this holiday season …”  He goes on to describe that with this family plan, with unlimited text, video messaging, and photo messaging, it will bring your family together this year.

This is where the commercial was dead wrong.

Billions of dollars are being swept away by the advancement of technology.  From TV to cell phones and from the internet to movies, people are finding it more difficult to stay connected to those around them.  At my husbands’ Christmas party this year, I was particularly surprised by how many people I saw texting instead of talking to those around them at their table. 

I’m not against technology but I’m disturbed how it’s taking away our ability to be present in the moment.  Especially where the family is concerned.  As much as we Americans love our stuff, what we really want deep down inside is to be connected to the people around us.

You see, what your family really wants for Christmas is you.

What your family really wants is:

Your Time - This is the element that seems to be stolen from us more and more.  Activities and engagements seem to sweep us away until we aren’t even sure where we’re headed.  By letting this happen, we can lose sight of those close to us.

Your family needs to know that you’re available.  They need to know that sometimes, you will stop the world to hear what they have to say.  If your family feels disconnected from home, they will feel disconnected everywhere else and so will you.  Be sure to set aside time on your calendar, especially during this busy season, to spend time together. Set a date and let everyone in the family know not to make any plans.  Being together and connected is vital to maneuvering this life, no matter where you find yourself in it.

Your Attention - This is where you put all electronic devices away.  Unplug them if you have to.  Look each other in the eyes, ask questions, listen and respond to what is said.  Make yourself mentally and emotionally available as well as physically.

Your Understanding - Many times, especially for women, when a person is speaking, they just want to be understood.  They want to know that they aren’t alone in what they are going through and how their feeling.  At times, offering a solution when one is not warranted can feel belittling instead of validating.  Keep the solutions to yourself, unless one is requested.  Being willing to understand what’s being said, instead of fixing the problem, can go very far in validating who they are as people.

Your Truth - Now it’s your turn.  Where are you?  What are you going through?  What are you frustrated with?  What struggles are you having or what joys are you experiencing?  Your family wants to know where you are in your own life.  They want to know what’s going on inside of you.  They want you to be open so that they won’t feel like someone on the outside, trying to look in.  They want to feel part of your world.

Your Acceptance - To put it plainly, they want your love.  They want to know that they are safe with you and that they can let down their guard and be who they really are.  The last place a person wants to hide is in their own home.  Life is never easy.  We need to start making home a safe place for everyone to be, where we take care of each other, where we fight for each other, and not against one another.

Don’t buy the sales pitch.  This world is moving so fast and we need each other to hang onto.  That cell phone they’re offering will eventually break, and another, faster and better, will take its place. Give the gift that really lasts.  Give yourself.

There is only one of you and, frankly, your family cannot do without you.  The gift of you will be the one that they will treasure for the rest of their lives. 

“It is easy to love those who are far away.  It isn’t always easy to love those who are right next to us.  It is easier to offer food to the hungry than to answer the lonely suffering of someone who lacks love right in one’s own family.  The world today is upside down because there is so very little love in the home, and in family life.  We have no time for each other.  Everybody is in such a terrible rush, and so anxious … and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.”
-Mother Theresa

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